Crumbling Among the Jigsaw Puzzle of Realization Lies His most Deepest Fear....

I am currently reading The Book Theif by Markus Zusak which is probably one of my favorites—SO FAR. I feel that there are many books out there with great plots, themes, characters, and all the other good elements that make a “good” book. So lately I have been asking myself “what’s so special about this story? I mean, I’m actually really surprised that I’m beyond the point where I’m completely in love with this book because I’m really not a history person…this book is basically about a girl who is seperated from her communist parents and has to live with her foster parents during World War 2. Just this topic makes me want to turn my back in disgust. So after pondering upon this idea, I brought myself to a couple main points—and not only do these ideas help me understand why I am in love with this book but they make me think on a somewhat deeper level on how fear plays a major role in how we, as humans, build a sort of wall blocking our ability to see things from a different perspective—the eyes of someone else that could eventually help us understand something more about ourselves.

I know this might seem sort of confusing at first (I mean, I was completely lost at the beginning of the story trying to figure out who the narrator was) but Death is actually narrating the entire story from a diary Liesl wrote. This diary that Death found when he was taking her soul away at the very beginning of the story seems to be a detail that enhances the entire plot—it allows us to see what Death has to say about humans because no matter how many human-like emotions he seems to have, he obviously is the complete opposite of what we consider “human.” I have never thought about this before but is Death haunted by humans as much as we are haunted by death? At the beginning of the story when he is taking Liesl’s soul he tells us that the most painful part of his job is "the leftover humans…the ones who are left behind, crumbling among the jigsaw puzzle of realization, despair, and surprise." Personally, I found this part really depressing because if you think about it, although he may not be an actual human being, he does have human-like emotions but will never be able to fully be a part of humanity.

At one point in the story Death tells us that if we want to see what he looks like, we should “find a mirror.” I love how at this point he allows us to infer…“what does this mean? How could our appearance have anything to do with Death and what he looks like?” At least those were my thoughts when I first read that line. I feel like once I considered the fact that Death feels like he will never be a part of humanity, I was also able to understand the meaning behind these words a little better. So basically he’s saying that all humans die so we all look like death. I think Death is really brave telling us that he is in fact united with humans (since it’s something he fears) and we are a part of one of (generally speaking) our most deepest fears—death. One reason why I think this is a brave thing to say is because we, as humans, tend to pull away from the things we are afraid of. Sometimes we act like they don’t exist and try to hide our fears. For example I used to be afraid of the dark and instead of confronting that fear and deciding to try one night in complete darkness, I in some ways, “hid” my fear for darkness by using a night lamp. On the contrary, we might also hide ourselves from our deepest fears. Maybe you were afraid of the boogy-man and hid under your blankets when you were little. Honestly I never thought about this before reading from the prespective of Death in this novel. An example of this is when Hans is hiding a Jew in his basement. I can assume the Jew is in hiding because he is afraid—he’s afraid of Death. I find this, in some ways (now after reading this book), is kind of obsurd. I mean, as I mentioned earlier, we are united with death so how could something that essentially make us human make us hide from it?

Now I want you to think about any time in your life where you have felt scared—maybe it was the boogey man that you were convinced would crawl into your bed during the night or maybe is was that selfish, mean, know-it-all snob that made you feel nothing but small and worthless…whatever your fear may be, ask yourself first why you are afraid of it. Then ask yourself what were the methods you used to push that particular fear out of your life. I litterally could go on and on and on and on about this book and I (legit) cannot express how much it has deepened my understanding on this topic. Please, please, please comment below if you have any thought, ideas, or thought-provoking questions!!

An Unidentified Side

In the story “Am I blue?” by Bruce Coville I found some lines that made me think deeper about the themes of the story and the world around me. After unpacking all the symbolism in the tinniest details and after pulling together evidence that seemed to be hidden beneath each characters internal thoughts, I was able to go on a magical journey  with Vincent where I was able to make better sense of myself and the world around me.

Although Manvin may seem like a quirky kind of guy at first (but then again, that’s why I respect him) no matter how much people get in his way about being “gay” or how much people judge him for being diffent, he looks beyond it. For example on page 10, “Only I got sick of living in the box the world prescribed; it was far too small to hold me. So I knocked down a few walls.” After analyzing this piece of evidence, we see that Manvin is in fact aware of his quirkiness and if he wanted he could change to the “average normal person” but I love the fact that he isn’t going to let society (the box the world prescribed) control who he is. When Manvin describes himself “knocking down a few walls” I feel like I can relate to this metaphor on a much deeper level. For instance I’m sure everyone has felt this way before but personally sometimes I feel really small in comparison to the world….sometimes all I am able to see are the negative sides to life and that’s all I seem to focus on. This metaphorical description makes me think deeper about my thoughts of feeling “small” and I wonder if maybe it’s time for me to go out a make space for myself….maybe it’s time for me to break down a few walls….

This brings me to my second point. I think the wall is an interesting symbol because not only does it symbolize Manvin’s strength to push through what other people think of him, but I’m sure it has multiple meanings….I wonder what’s on the other side of the wall. I mean, walls are built to separate one thing from another, right? So perhaps this wall was separating Manvin from something much bigger than we can imagine. These thoughts became part of my curiosity when I read page 7, “Honey, I did a lot of screaming and shouting while it was happening. Afterward too, for that matter. Didn’t do me a bit of good—I was still dead. Once you’ve been on the other side for a while, you get a little more zen with these types of things.” First off I have to figure out what Manvin is talking about—I’m not completely sure but I think that he is referring to when he was letting himself be bullied. I can make this inference because on page 4 he says “I had to deal with my share of troglodytes when I was your age.” So I think Manvin is basically making a point saying that when you are in the process of being bullied and judged, no matter what you do, if you allow others to identify you, you are going to die. And I don’t actually think he means he dies literally; I think it’s more metaphoric. More like you will no longer have control over who you are since you’re letting others identify you. When Manvin talks about the “other side” I believe that he is referring to the other side of the wall and how he had to break it down to actually experience what it was like on the other side….in other words he had to ignore the bullies and stand up for himself to be able to experience life truthfully without trying to hide or fit in.

Ok. I’m going to have to admit it. Butch is an amazing character in the story. He’s a perfect contrast to Manvin’s character. While Manvin is himself and won’t let anyone stand in his way, Butch IS the bully but we realize why at the end. Honestly when I found out that he was completely gay, I was confused. Why would he be bullying Vincent for “supposedly” being gay at the beginning of the story when HE was all along? I think Butch bullied Vincent even though he was gay because he was afraid to be judged if he was himself and just admitted his differences. So by bullying Vincent in that way, he “made” himself innocent of being gay. This interesting contrast between Manvin and Butch has helped me understand the world a little better. Now I realize that people who judge others are really only hurting themselves because then they are afraid to be bullied and judged as well; thus, most likely not revealing much about themselves or just faking who they are.